Fate

“Everything happens for a reason. Every person is born into this with hopes and wishes for a life filled with wonder and color. But fate sometimes deals a blow to those dreams. Life is paves with trials and tribulations that will challenge a person’s faith”

I read these words from a magazine and it suddenly struck me. I had been riding on a rollercoaster for a long time. Exhaustion is the best word. I could not bring myself to stand strong so easily and I needed time. During the fatigue moment, my mind became more vulnerable and easily affected by internal and external factors. I wanted to kick, scream and really cry; I just couldn’t.

“It’s great to want to make people happy but make sure you aren’t sacrificing too much or you’ll just end up with full of resentment. Learn to forgive and forget”
Beautiful and yet so meaningful, it was spoken by my mum.

It is true that everything happens for a reason but only time will tell why some of us are chosen to face such adversity. While we try to find the answer, we persist and with conviction we just have to face it.

Be strong.

Believe

I might seem like unbelievably strong from the outside (some said), but behind closed door, my weak side comes out. Exhaustion strike, physically and mentally. Too big, too many voices, the struggle of realisation of the truth. The confusion I am experiencing is a totally normal part of the deliberation process. I seek the path of calmness and peacefulness; and learn every moment. It actually helps me to manage more effectively.

I also let the anger-monger in me out by finding a release mechanism. If I don’t express it, there’s a risk of winding up numb, and having the feelings surface in different ways such as fatigue and dumbness. It often happens. An old-fashioned way might work; punching my pillow and cry under it afterwards. On the other hand, the pillow will also become even softer. Nice, a multipurpose pillow.

I learnt to get myself worked up about acceptance, furious or frustration though I may be humbled or insulted, but once I accept it, I begin to experience appreciation, the key to strengthening myself. The attitude of optimism operates from a position of strength, confidence and possibilities. And that is how I stand so strongly to ease the exhaustion.

I believe in “Susah susah sekarang, senang senang kemudian” and whatever goes around, comes around. While there are different dimensions and perceptions to a person’s mind, it is still me and it helps me to survive.

Believe.