Gullible

I find out that writing can be therapeutic, not entirely but partly. I like to write as words are the pen of heart and my mind has to be at a calm state, thinking of the proper words and vocabulary, avoiding from sounding bombastic or pompous. Be it at home, in the office, in the car, in the lift or sometimes even in the cinema. Whenever the inspiration comes, it just comes. Talking about cinema, I don't think I will be going to watch any anytime in near future. Bad experience.

I found out recently that I do not have a good grasp on my emotional upheaval in my life. Was it my mood which seem to swing badly? Pre-menstrual disoder? Work stress? Environmental forces? Hm, a little from all factors or for some other unspoken reasons. Or perhaps it all began from my own thinking or words that I regretted having said it after.

I cried for feeling uneasy to learn that I do not have the strength that I used to. I am so vulnerable, a friend once used gullible to describe me. I was skeptical as I had not heard about it before. Gullible means naive, susceptible and easy to fool. And oh yes, I am really, very easily to fool because I am gullible (ha!). So many thing had happened in such a short period of time. I grew up with the circumstances, I changed and this transformation is not an act of will; the surrounding and the people demand changes, slowly pushing me to move forward. I moved but I kept asking myself, 'where am I suppose to go?' Somehow rather, I am lost and I am still lost.