The Hand

I find out myself unable to understand at a certain point why something that shouldn't happen had happened? It was not the willingness of the heart on purpose, but it did happen. Why? I seek for the answer and it seems extremely upsetting to know the fact. I need two hands to clap, while the other hand is busy, why should I do? I could not believe myself for letting go something that once so precious to me at a very calm state, calm voice, calm manner; the very unusual of me. I usually keep chasing, keep shouting, keep doing better, keep working harder, keep believing, keep on moving. However, at this time round, I want to slow down as I am lack of energy. I do not want to be forceful, or sounded forceful or whatsoever kind of force. I let go heavy-heartedly. Sad, but I did let go. Can we turn back the time? Can we? Can we? Can we? Or you may wonder, can I? Can I? Can I? Everything might have begun or thought by myself only. It was me, who created all these things. Nothing has actually happened, only my imagination, my fantasy. C'mon, in real life, it did happen. So I knew and confirmed that it was not an imagination. I really wanted to turn back time, to erase it all and go back to normal. I really wish to go back to the usual of me. Oh God, I ask for Your mercy, please lead me, please give me strength to overcome this. I am just sad.